I am a YEStrovert. Not just an introvert and not an extrovert.
I recently read Shonda Rhimes’ book “Year of Yes” and it changed my entire life. [If you don’t know who she is- she created shows like Grey’s Anatomy and Scandal and is just one of the most successful women in Hollywood.] It’s a hilariously written, inspirational, motivational, epitome of perfection book she wrote about her year of yes. It started as a challenge to herself. Six words mumbled under her sister’s breath about how she never said yes to anything. No talk shows, no speeches, no interviews, no anything. A few weeks after hearing those words she had a moment where she knew what she had to do. She knew her reasons for saying “no” all of the time were based in fear and anxiety. So she started saying YES to everything that scared her. She started finding the YES in everything she did.
She’s opened my eyes and strengthened my stance as a feminist and to help me change my life. I’m an introvert. Through and through. I am someone who chooses books over beers, Netflix over groups of people, and who says no to a hell of a lot. Now I am not just an introvert, I am one who says yes to the things that scare me. I am a YEStrovert. When I have said yes to things, I have enjoyed myself and had a good time. I crave having fun and going on adventures however I always avoid them. Not anymore.
YES to happy.
YES to healthy.
YES to recovery.
YES to optimism.
YES to pushing my limits.
YES to DOING and not just DREAMING.
YES to courage.
YES to bravery.
YES to fighting.
This has inspired me to start taking my health back. To start getting in shape and to my goal weight. It’s inspired me to fight in my recovery to overcome my depersonalization disorder. My goal is to listen to my body and mind and do right by it.
In my second EMDR therapy appointment, my therapist concluded that the roots of this disorder are in PTSD and severe anxiety. I’ve been someone fueled by fear for as long as I could remember. As a child everything scared me. It was so bad that when I started developing my breasts I thought I had breast cancer and cried for a week.
I made the remark to my therapist while telling her about how I was as a child; “I was scared all the time, but I’m much better now. Or at least I hide it better.” Her response? “Obviously not- that’s why you’re depersonalized.”
It clicked in me after reading this book, that was it. That’s my answer to getting past this disorder. I can’t start from the top and go down- I have to go from the bottom up. The root of my problems is my anxiety. [Mental and physical problems.]
Shonda’s year of yes helped her fight her anxiety and live a better life. After all, it is like self-induced systematic desensitization. It’s brilliant and it works. As it is, I’ve often been doing things that scared me regardless, but now I’m saying yes to everything. Not just picking and choosing what.
I’ve started a new Instagram and snapchat (Usernames: YEStrovert) to document my journey. My journey of getting healthy mentally and physically. Hopefully in the new year I’ll have a new camera and I’ll start a vlog also!
I’m realizing how many things I say “no” to on a daily basis by doing this. It’s motivating to see the change in myself after just four days.
I’ve also come to think of things in a more realistic way. Regardless of what I do, time is going to pass. I can either say “YES I’m going to be proactive and create a better life for myself”, or “NO, I don’t have the patience or willpower to be healthy.” I choose YES.
I choose YES now.
I choose YES tomorrow.
I choose YES every day.
Peace, love, and light to my readers.