They say to celebrate the small victories, as they are still victories. So that’s precisely what this blog post is doing. For the first time since the onset of my disorder in July of last year, I’ve experienced a small win.
As mentioned in a previous post- I meditate. It was suggested I try meditation the first day I talked to a mental health counselor after being referred from the Emergency room regarding my illness. It is something that’s been in my life for the last year, but that I’ve only gotten truly dedicated and serious to this summer of 2016. Now I can feel the difference in the days that I don’t take the time to meditate (though there are very few.) I started meditating with the hope that it would be my miracle treatment to my disorder and I’d be free of it. It didn’t take me long to realize that’s not what it was going to be, but that it would become so much more.
Sunday, 8/14/16, I got in my spot, turned on my oil diffuser, turned on my string of dim lights hanging on my tapestry and shut my room lights off. I set my meditation timer to only 15 minutes and set my phone on airplane mode. The first several minutes went by as I calmed myself down and brought myself into my relaxed state. It was shortly after my halfway bell chimed that it happened.The only way I can describe it is that it felt like a veil lifted off briefly.
One of my symptoms has to do with the way that I hear things. It’s almost as if sounds are ever so slightly muffled and my mind processes them a tad differently than normal. While I was meditating, though I usually try to have silence, I could hear the washing machine in the distance. I was actually focusing on the rhythm of that while clearing my mind when this happened. Suddenly I experienced intense clarity. For the first time in so long every sound around me was so clear, so crisp, so normal. My eyes almost started to water but I didn’t want to break my concentration, so in all my excitement when I realized this, I still refocused my mind to finish my meditation. Once my final bell rang I opened my eyes and just sat there a few minutes listening to everything. I didn’t know how long it was going to last, but I wanted to soak up every second of this little win.
It lasted until I fell asleep and by morning it was back to the muffled/veiled way of hearing and processing things. I’m hopeful,though. I’m hopeful, and I’m excited.
Peace, love, and light to my readers.